Melrose Place (without all the drama)

So the Hamblogger Crew ventured out to The Melrose with not one, but two special guests (ok, so they were married, but what the hell). Since Gamma Offspring #1 refers to them as Spider-Man's Mommy & Daddy, let me introduce you to Julie & Rich Mod-- errr Parker!

Julie works for a fancy pants design firm that designs fancy brochures for very fancy cars (ohhhhhh how we love fancy cars here at GB!) Rich is his own man, travels the open road and makes life easy for rock stars. Yes, rock stars. (ohhhhhhh how we love rock stars here at GB!) In fact, he took time off from planning Seal's next big tour to come HamBlog with us (and no, we didn't ask if Heidi Klum really has Angel Wings, I mean his wife was there for God's sake!)

Anywho, back to why we are all here... the hamburgers. The Melrose is one of those places that just sprang up. The decor makes it look like it's been there since the days of FDR, but I watched them build it as I drive by it on the way to the Gamma Blast World HQ™ everday. It's like one of those crappy Irish bars in a strip mall. Hmmmm, it's just like Dublin! But with a Bed Bath & Beyond. Gag. And while I'm on my rant, Melrose, would it kill you to take our orders at the table? I mean you served us there, you refilled our drinks there, did we really have to go walk up to the counter like a 3rd grader? Failz.

The burgers were pretty good, but not great. I think Andy said it best when he commented that it wasn't "dirty" enough. If I'm in a place that looks like FDR was in office when it opened, I want to taste 4 decades of grease. Also, give me some damn waffle fries in the basket with the burger. I don't want a whole order unto myself and I really don't want to share family style with Anterny, I suspect he double dips!

So let's review... a bit on the pricey side with fries, fake aging, and ok burgers with no personality. Because I'm the Boss and my score counts double, I give the Melrose a 2.865 out of 10.

I'm Going To Jackson's

Today the Hamblogger gang traveled down to an area of Nashville known as "Hillsboro Village". It is called this because it is located on 21st Ave and is near "Vanderbilt". Our destination was Jackson's Bistro. Jackson's is known for its large patio setting, which really came in handy today since it was 35 degrees out.

Jackson's only has one burger on its menu. It is called the "Bistro Burger" and it is 8 OZ OF HOTT AMERICAN ANGUS BEEF. (USA! USA! USA!) I got mine with fries instead of some lame ass garbonzo bean salad. WTF is that anyway? You don't eat that shit on Hamblogger Fridays. That's something your order at a "Tapas Bar". On to the burger...

The burger tasted like it came right off of your neighbor's grill and had a delicious slice of thick cheddar cheese covering it like a warm blanket. The bun was outstanding. It tasted fresh out of the oven and it was the perfect compliment to the perfectly cooked HOTT AMERICAN BEEF (TAKE THAT TERRORISTS!)

This may have been my favorite so far. Call this a fancy burger if you will, I'll call it damn good. And there's a reason why they don't sell burger and garbonzo bean combo meals.

(Sorry for the lack of SEXXXY PICS in my post this week)


4.89765 out of 5

Steppin' Out to Jackson's

Yo yo yo dawgs! We straight hit up Tito & Randy Jackson's hot spot down in the Village, aptly named, Jackson's!

The stylishly decorated Jackson's was hopping with Music Row types and Vandy Nurses. We luckily found a table in the back and I promptly grabbed the "Mafia Don" seat. I had a good scan of the room. You never know when that Lunch is Fun crew is going to put out a Nugget hit.

After watching a hipster mom crash her very unhipster like Land Cruiser into the front steps of Jackson's, we were regaled with exciting tales of terror and suspense from our guest of honor, the tough as nails, hard living, hard drinking, hard scrabble and any other metaphorical adjectives you care to pin on him, Irish Car Bomber.

I had a medium rare mushroom burger and fries. The burger was maybe shade redder than I was comfortable with, but after my first bite, I really didn't give a rat's ass. This is a tasty burger peeps. The bakery roll bun was brushed with some sort of garlic infused butter that made you stink like a vampire hunter. Luckily, Rightz came prepared with gum, because as soon as we got back to the Gamma Blast World HQ™ we were summoned to the inner sanctum of a record label here on The Row to discuss a music video. Jackson's, I like you more than ever!

A new twist on HamBlogger Friday included the table getting 2 desserts and 5 spoons. After much concern and debate over exactly how "Sex in the City" or "Gay" it was to share the tasty concoctions, we scarfed down a fried twinkie and cookie dough egg rolls with a heaping dollop of glacier (that's ice cream to you not as well-heeled as I Bozos). As "The Boss" I promptly ruled that dessert should not affect our scores but should be viewed as an exhibition sport, much like BMX Bike Skeet Shooting and Women's Softball in the Olympics.

Because I'm "The Boss", and Joe was always my favorite Jackson, I give Jackson's a 9.86 out of 10.

Jacksons, too fine dining

Going back to an earlier experience with a "fancy" burger joint  I would like to point out the shallowness and pedantenicity of Jacksons.  First off, if you're going to serve a garbanzo salad, you don't have any business putting a burger on your menu.  It wasn't a bad piece of meat, just not what I'm looking for in a burger.  I think a pita or wrap type item would be better fitted for a place like Jacksons.  I would even be willing to bet that the only table in the entire joint that had patron's with calluses on their fingers was ours.  Maybe my problem was that I ordered a salad and didn't get fries, so in Jacksons defense, the gayness may have been my doing.  All I'm sayin is that once a burger is in your tummy you should have to take a mexican bath just to feel clean again

Jackson's

What can I say? I've lost my foil! No old Cadillacs, just a beemer and a new chevy. No smoking because they actually care if children attend (must be the fried twinkie draw.) Floors are clean because they actually care if my gag response is elicited during dining. The burger was EXCELLENT!

As a military food critic for 7 years, I have seen it all. I must say this burger, served on a soft Calais roll (I made that up), consisted of 8oz's of Pure Angus beef, with a garbanzo salad on the side. It was as tasty as they get! I give it 4.9 our of 5.

Anterny out- and happy.

Oh almost forgot- Our guests were very charming and fun- I would have lunch with them anywhere.

A- out

Dino's House of Smoke and Old Cadillacs

Welcome to Dino's (maybe it's nicer on the inside, and maybe they don't allow smoking...)

NOPE!  

Here's your "view table."  (maybe the floor is clean...)

NOPE!  

Very good burger- 4.75 out of 5.

Anterny out-